| Mmmm butter drenched popcorn on a Sunday |
[20 Jan 2008|05:04pm] |
I updated my avatar picture, so I figured I might as well write something. I don't think anyone reads this anymore.
I really enjoy lazy Sundays...except for the fact that I'm a bit hungover. Eh, shit happens. I'm just glad I didn't have to work today.
Hmm. Life is good though. I actually like my job. It's easy, the employee discount is awesome, everyone I work with is nice, and this job has forced me to talk more.
Saving money for a car. I'm getting there...slowly, but I plan to start working more hours.
Tits.
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[10 Oct 2007|03:45pm] |
FART.
:)
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| Hair Question |
[18 Apr 2007|03:07pm] |
I've been dying my hair dark brown for over a year now. I've just been using cheap dye because that's all I can afford. I've been using L'Oreal Preference dark brown. Now that it's getting warmer outside, I'm debating going lighter. Or I might gradually go back to my natural hair color.... which is pretty light. If my hair is dark brown now, how light can I go with cheap dye without turning it some weird color? Please help!
( What my hair looks like now... and natural hair color )
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[01 Feb 2007|08:51pm] |
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I'm really into suckers lately... blow-pops.... tootsie-pops... Mmmmm. Oral fixation?!... nah. Well, I'd hope I don't have some sort of oral fixation, I think I just have a sweet tooth is all. :)
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| You're scum, yet I fantasize about you constantly... |
[09 Jan 2007|12:29am] |
Man, I thought I was in the mood to write some poetry. Hahahahaha.
Turns out I'm not in such a creative mood... at all.
Or maybe I'm lazy... and my head hurts... I don't want to have to think too hard to come up with something celever
I just wanted to write about the one thing.... person.... who is on my mind far too much.
I was just going to use some vague descriptions... and fancy words... so no one would know what the hell I was talking about...or WHO I was talking.
Ever hated someone and found yourself obsessed with them at the same time?
No matter what they do to disappoint you, insult you, purposely try to tear you down, you still think they are the sexiest person alive.... and you wish you could fuck them on a regular basis?...
ROUGH...HATE RAGE SEX.
I can't lie though, I've never been so sexually attracted to someone in my life. I just don't act on those urges. I guess I can't say that, this person wouldn't have... no strings attached, WILD sex with me... even if I begged. Well, that's not true... I have a slight bit of dignity... I would never BEG. For now I'll keep telling myself that I wouldn't let him abuse me... in every sexual way possible... even if the chance came about.
It's kinda like being attracted to a celebrity...... just the part about.... knowing it won't ever happen.
I'm content with knowing I won't ever rape this dude.
Oh so many dirty thoughts racing through my head. Then If I masturbate and think about this person, get off to the most graphic dirty... images of humping him. Then when my body stops being flustered.... hate myself. Well, hate is a strong word. I guess there is no harm... in just fantasizing about someone. I mean whatever, this person will always be scum... so he'll only be fucking me in my dreams.
Wow, I wrote about this topic... for FAR TOO LONG.
*****Oh yeah, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with a girl to be open about fantasizing about... a boy... scum or not. This does not make me a slut. *******
I respect my body far too much to engage in careless, casual sex.
My hands suit me just find, at least while I'm single.
One day I'll find me a boy or girl.... to satisfy my every sexual need. :)
Since I'll probably be single until I'm 30, I should probably invest in..... a vibrating dildo.... and some other toys to pleasure myself.
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[19 Dec 2006|11:48am] |
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All these self-destructive habits will soon help me meet my demise.
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| I need some Zoloft n' titties. |
[18 Dec 2006|05:24am] |
Everything bums me out nowa days!
I don't want to be all... booo woooo... I hate life.
I have nothing to complain about. I have no reason to be so damn sad all the time...
So why am I?... I can't shake it. Then the littlest things make me... that much sadder.
Zoloft treats depression AND social anxiety.. BINGO!
I dunno, some days I feel like I should really atleast look into seeing a doctor about my anxiety.
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Fuck, sex causes the release endorphins....
Endorphins make you happy.
I need a boyfriend or girlfriend... so I can get laid... and have sex on a regular basis.
Well, I guess it's ORGASMS... that cause the release of endorphins.
So I need to get motivation to masturbate MORE...
or buy a vibrating dildo, clit kisser, and anal beads...
and then just never leave my house so I can masturbate all the time.
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Oh, and speaking of sex. I have the sex drive of a male... I think it gets me in trouble. Well, even though I have the sex drive of a male, I just don't act on my urges.
I just think about sex 24/7... watch porn at least once a day.
Another reason why... I need a boyfriend or girlfriend to DO ME all the damn time.
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| Almost like poetry... |
[18 Dec 2006|03:03am] |
Body fluid soup.
The worse mixture of them all.
Drip, Drip, goes the sweat..
as it glides off our heated, flustered bodies.
I felt it splatter on my arm.
Was that my sweat? His sweat?
Didn't matter.
No self control.
Fat upper lip.
A battle wound...
From all that vicious sucking.
Lick, lick, suck some balls.
I hope my fat lip is gone by tomorrow.
When the morning comes,
the swelling will have gone down.
Boyeee, I aim to please,
but you aimed for my right eye.
Squirt Squirt, gooey mascara.
He makes me feel ashamed...
and dirty.
He didn't know,
I had not showered.
Thank gosh for the release of endorphins.
Time for a checkup.
Are my private parts clean.
Walk-in Wednesdays!
"No Fuss, no muss."
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| Vodka |
[15 Dec 2006|06:26am] |
Vodka will really sneak up on you.
I drank it with coke, because I didn't have orange juice.
I'm so lucky to have a friend who will walk me a flask of vodka at 4:30am.
He lives like 2 minutes away anyway, but still... I had to sneak out of my damn window.. and walk 3 blocks.
Fun!...Oh, I also got a bear hug, that always brightens my mood. :)
I shouldn't have to SNEAK out because I'm 19, but my Mom was up just before I left... and she was drunk... and being weird.
Hmmm, I haven't gotten drunk in a few weeks, so hooray.
Well, I've only gotten drunk a few times ever.
Wow, I'm such a light weight... and I didn't have much food in my stomach either.
Definitely doesn't take much to get me wasted.
Hmm, I felt the need to write..... I have nothing else to doooo.
Whoopie doooo dah!
Fuck, I have such a weak/small bladder....
and my parents will be getting up soon to get ready for work.
I hope I can use the bathroom... without my parents knowing I'm drunk.
It shouldn't be too hard... I wish I had my own bathroom! Damn.
TGIF!
This is seriously the happiest I've been in... a long time.
Which is kinda sad, but oh well.
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| Boys love a chase... |
[14 Dec 2006|11:22pm] |
I've never realized how true that is... til now.
Too bad girls like a challenge too. So all you boys out there, that chase after the girls... don't. You're better off almost ignoring them, playing it cool... or else you'll only come off ... annoying. I'm not sure annoying it the right word... maybe... needy?
I've basically been single for 19 years, minus the one person I dated for a month.. but that doesn't count. Point being, I've never been in anything CLOSE to a real or serious relationship. I feel like I'll be single until I'm fucking 30. I'm not in any hurry to find someone, but It would be nice to go on a date (GASP) or two.
I probably won't find someone til I...
a) Learn to drive.
b) Find someone willing to have patience for me to open up.. IT WON'T HAPPEN RIGHT AWAY! I have get to know someone pretty well before I'm less shy.
c) If b still doesn't happen... move THE FUCK OUT OF OMAHA
Too bad I'm stuck here in Omaha for years to come.
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| I hope they don't find anything wrong with my brain... |
[04 Dec 2006|03:45pm] |
I've been up since 7:30am... couldn't miss my appointment with a headache specialist.
Got some stuff injected in my bum, it's suppose to get rid of any inflammation in my brain. Sweet.
Then I had to get and MRI... got some iron injected in me.
MRI's are boring. I might be a tiny bit claustrophobic. At one point I thought I was going to have a panic attack, but I was able to calm myself.
Too bad I think the MRI gave me a headache. The Dr. was even like... "if you didn't already have a headache today, you might have one now".
Oh, what a fun day!
Oh well, I'm confident I will finally.... start to get some solutions to my serve and debilitating migraines. Then I can start functioning normal ALL THE TIME again. Whoopie!
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[26 Nov 2006|07:46am] |
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Some people are complete scum. What they do, and or say, should not effect me. Too bad I have zero self-esteem, no self-confidence, no morals, and I'm the very insecure. I'm just not happy in general, and having someone insult me for a good chunk of time, and then realizing what they were saying was true.... just hit me really fucking hard. These direct insults were clear, detailed, so precise, and exact. The insults were really a pretty accurate reflection of the person I've become, the person I am right now. A reflection of what my life has transformed into. This has been a terrible night... a terrible few months. Things just really sank in, when someone repeatedly reminds me, of all the things that are wrong with my life.. I don't take it well. Not only reminds me, but goes as far as to do in such a manor to intentionally hurt me, for really no reason at all. Point out all the things I'm doing wrong, and repeatedly insult me in the process. Insult my life in general, but specifically my personality, my inability to build relations, my lack of motivation, my intelligence, my body and private areas. Basically touching on every possible subject that would offend me, make me feel terrible, and push me a step further into hating life more. This is such a low point in my life, I start to wonder... will I ever drag myself out of this hole I've dug so deep.
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[16 Nov 2006|03:04am] |
OH FUCK, I actually have things to do today.
I won't be able to stay up til 7am.
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[15 Nov 2006|06:19am] |
Brrr, it's so cold in my room..
and I can't sleep. I tried to, I really did.
I laid with my eyes closed for a good hour...
then I gave up.
So I'm gonna sit here, in my dark room, and cuddle up with my blanket.
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Beer kicked my ass the other night, so I slept all day.
That's probably why I can't sleep now. I also didn't shower, because I felt like death.
I have a bad bruise on my right hip, from sleeping on a bathroom floor...
along with bruises on my arms from leaning them on a toilet.. for a long period of time. Uhh.
I don't know my limits when it comes to alcohol yet, and I feel like I've made a terrible first impression.
Well, in this case.. I kinda knew I was exceeding my limit.
CHUG! Everyone wants to see how the shy girl acts once shes drunk.
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I suck at life lately.
I really do.
Someone needs to give me a good smack to the face.
I need to snap out of this.
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[12 Nov 2006|05:32pm] |
I need to...
get a smokin' hot dress this week.
I need to..
get a state ID, or get my learners permit renewed this week.
I need to...
drink more water this week, and maybe exercise.. some.. this week.
I need to...
not sleep all day, every day.. this week.
I need to...
get some motivation this week.
I need to...
be somewhat less depressed this week.
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| Boooooooooooo |
[07 Nov 2006|04:22am] |
| [ |
music |
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Less Than Jake |
] |
Um, will this debilitating migraine EVER go away.
It got better for a while, now I'm nauseous again.
Sitting at the computer probably isn't helping my head though either, oh well.
I thought I gave myself the migraine... due to lack of sleep + stress. I thought the no sleep part played the biggest role, but too bad I slept all day.. and I still have a headache. Ouch.
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I waste too much energy thinking about shitty dudes. Get the fuck out of my head. I over analyze everything.
I need to focus my life on more important things. Com'on, what am I 15 all over again?...this shit is completely ridiculous.
No crushing on old assholes from the past. I know I'm better than that. I'm not the person I was two years ago, I need to assume I'm more mature.. and smarter.
Also, I seem to attract the most skeezy dudes ever... and their only intention is to get in my pants. I get really fucking irritated. I'm an awesome person, TRY getting to know me first. Fucking sluts... die!
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Fuck, I'm gonna crush all over again.
It won't be easy to reject him.
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| PENIS |
[05 Nov 2006|09:40am] |
Ugh, who am I trying to kid...
I crush on the biggest assholes around :(
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[02 Nov 2006|11:51pm] |
I really wish juicy fruit... didn't loose its flavor so fast. :(
Today SUCKED.
MOST DAYS SUCK!
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| Uh |
[01 Nov 2006|06:57pm] |
Sometimes, I think I'm too forgiving of people. I'm not one to hold grudges.. and try to avoid drama.
Too bad you can basically be really shitty to me.. and I'll still be your friend. Everyone deserves a second chance?.. No, not everyone... but oh well. I'm just that nice.. too nice? Maybe.
Some dudes, probably never deserve to be forgiven... and I should get them out of my life completely.
Or some dudes just don't deserve to be my friend period... I should probably get rid of them as well.
I rule, if you're not patient enough to let me break out of my shyness... once I'm comfortable. Well, that's your loss buddy.
CAUSE I FUCKING RULE! Ugh.
Oh, and I'm kinda bitter towards males in general lately... probably because no matter how retarded and forgiving I am of them... they never fail to disappoint me. I'm done.
I need to find myself a nice female friend.
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